Once, while sitting on the beach of Puerto Vallarta, Mexico, I found myself reflecting on life. I noticed that I am much better at making friends while I'm on vacation than at any other time. This puzzled me. There shouldn't be anything different about being on vacation to make it better for facilitating friendships. Sure I'm more relaxed, and I'm doing different activities than I'm likely to be doing back home (beaches are decidedly less pleasant in the Midwest in January than they are in Mexico) but these are only incidental to the differences in my behavior when I'm on vacation. I dug deeper.
I have a pretty type-A personality. I like it that way. When I'm at home I plan out the majority of my time to get the most out of every day. I live a life of diligence and structure. I seek interesting experiences with high quality components - good, high-quality food; genuine and enlightening people to spend my time with; and entertaining experiences to fill my time. I'm no different when I'm on vacation, but the characteristics that make me so effective at achieving those ideals when I'm at home are exhausting, and sometimes I need a break from the effort and structure I impose on myself.
So there I was, sitting on the beach reflecting on why I was able to make half a dozen friends in a matter of hours by chatting with strangers on the beach, and it struck me that I should be more like the man I am when I'm on vacation. The "vacation me" makes small talk with strangers without expectations or an evaluation of whether that person is going to add value to my already complex life - we just chat, and if we enjoy chatting, we keep doing it. The "vacation me" deals with setbacks like flight delays and lost luggage and poor directions with grace and poise - we'll make it there, and we might have an adventure along the way. The "vacation me" is perfectly happy to wait for my friend to get ready, 20 minutes after he said we could leave, when I would normally be much less tolerant of that situation.
The thing is, none of these behaviors need to be any different at home either. The same setbacks have the same impact whether I'm on on the road or back in Madison, but too often I feel the need to control the situation, take care of things, and correct mistakes. What I forget is that life moves so much more gracefully when every movement isn't being tightly controlled. Sure, some things need guardrails, and I do that both at home and on vacation, but the way I let things take their course while I'm on holiday is a much more graceful way of living.
Try it yourself. Think about how different you are when you're taking a break. Maybe you, too, could unleash a more friendly, peaceful you.
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